Many people these days talk about forgiving others without any depth of this whole process. Why doesn’t matter here. But peace is the goal. I’m tired of the victim having to do all the work for the lazy and ignorant thinking from others. Part of that ignorance is coming from both approval and believing in ideas without seeing the full effects of bad decisions and behaviors. I won’t get started on those things here, the subtle ways in which people forget to love others, runs too deep in our society and most people confuse themselves before taking it apart. Another post for later.
Someone hurts you; truly hurts you through neglect, abuse, ignorance and carelessness.
They apologize, try to be nice, get you to be okay with it, but the behavior didn’t change when a situation challenged them in a future situation. Meaningless, shallow.
They apologize, with the effects of appearing sincere, but they repeat the same behavior later. Patronizing, under the guise of being “nice”.
Maybe they don’t even fix the effects that they caused upon your life; its ripple effect. Total ignorance, lazy.
The truth of the matter is this: people hurt others for various reasons, none of which are acceptable towards loving the other(s). That’s just selfish, childish, immature, unevolved, unthinking, careless. You get the idea.
If a person is truly repentant, they see from the perspective of the other; what they did to them, how it affected the other, the other’s life and subsequently, those around them, the future effects, all the choices the other had to change, views the other had to change, the joys they had to trash, dreams that were killed, and love lay bleeding (as Elton John sings).
Once they see that, they need to confront the one they hurt with complete honesty about it. It’s up to the other to accept the apology and decide if it’s worth pursuing with that person or not. Of course, that depends on the relationship.
Next they must make every effort to fix the problems caused and/or make it up to that person if they want to rebuild love.
Look at the 12 step process. It’s not just for anonymous groups. It’s a great template for all relationships where damage has occurred. (Thank you Bill Wilson and Swedenborg).
Just to cover all my bases, since the new age groups and NDE groups really tout this whole forgiveness thing:
It’s time to grow up on this side and the other side. Asking for forgiveness after seeing what you did is merely the first step in healing for the one you hurt and eventually yourself. If you can’t do that, then you’re not evolved, enlightened or ready for healing. No one should get left behind or trivialized at the cost of any other’s peace, EVER.
This is a very eye-opening explanation of true forgiveness. Thank you Mark Passio for putting this out, and Kris Nelson of evolveconsciousness.org for this share.