There are many ways I’ve experienced hurts from others. Not the kind where I feel offended, which is hard to do to me. Real hurt from lack of love and compassion from others who I love. This simple post is devoted to the damage incurred by the careless actions and words of others. On purpose is obvious, regardless of the reason, so I won’t address it. It’s the ignorant actions/words that perpetuate the most damage. These will be general, but enough for you to relate and apply to any relationship.
Scenario: Let’s say you have a relationship with Person A. Person A tells you s/he will do this or that for you or with you. You get excited a bit (or a lot). Person A “forgets” (a convenient excuse for the person with zero intentions of caring about you), then neglects to do it, maybe even does that thing for another person instead. You feel the pain of hurt upon realizing or seeing this. The key is “intent”, where actions are sure to follow. And reality says their actions surely showed you what they intended, regardless of the words spoken.
If you confront Joe about it, he might say “oh I forgot” or “I didn’t do it on purpose” or any manner of excuses you get to hear in order for Person A to get out of being confronted for the neglect and lies to you. Unconsciousness by Person A. Excuses are only acceptable for the emotional level of a child under 10 years old. By this point, Person A has heaped coals into the fire of your pain.
Maybe that social tape recording voice in your head says that it wouldn’t be “nice” (or any variation of that word) to confront Person A. Meanwhile, both you and Person A are forgetting that care is the action of the truth spoken. If Person A thought anything of joy of being with you, caring for you (and that is a good quality of love at any level) then you would not have been forgotten, neglected, left out. Strange how I learned this in elementary school, but I’m see many adults living this as if “feeling good” in oneself trumps real care, knowing that if all involved don’t get to feel good, then it’s not good.
If you want to show another human how insignificant and worthless they are to you and on this planet, not a part of the human family, not a part of your life in any loving, good manner, then simply “forget” what you said you wanted with/for them, trash their joys and hopes. To drive home the worthless they feel when with you, make sure you give them excuses, placing yourself above them in the value of who gets pleasure and joy and who doesn’t. Mission accomplished.