I’m really tenacious about integrity.
Integrity is honesty with self.
Integrity is not what you do that others see, but what you do when no one is looking.
I read about a study using children that discussed if they were told, and believed, that an intangible being was watching them, then tended to act in integrity. They didn’t cheat, lie, hurt others, etc. Reminds me of the little short book, “All I Really Need To Know I Learned in Kindergarten” (Robert Fulghum).
But I think as we mature emotionally, mentally and spiritually, regardless of our beliefs, that we act in integrity because we know we feel better about ourselves. We realize all our relationships are better off with the truth.
What I have noticed when I tell the truth, there are people who are so used to lying to themselves, thus others, they get upset when they hear the truth that they won’t entertain inside themselves. When you don’t acknowledge or accept your feelings (and thoughts/agreements attached to them) or those of others, that’s where all the problems fester and grow. Accept your feelings, and if it feels bad, check inside for the facts, information, truthfully. Maybe you really DON’T have all the information, and maybe you DON’T know it all. And maybe you are seeing the picture quite accurately. In either case, it’s a good practice to be still, and patient and see what is going through your mind that is causing you the discomfort or pain. The feelings are simply your guide to your real thoughts. I really like recommending The Work of Byron Katie. It’s a simple method for finding the truth in one’s mind. It’s not about internal/external judgements, but about seeing the truth with another perspective. When you get to that point, you realize it’s all okay and there are clear, sane solutions for your own peace. This is NOT about making it okay that someone hurts you, but you’ll discern the difference if you practice telling yourself the truth of the reality in front of you . It’s about making PEACE and clarity with your own thoughts. It’s what happens before you can discern.
In the case when someone does something to you that you don’t do to yourself or others, that’s when you have to establish a boundary of respect from them, or protect yourself. If that person is offended, usually appearing to be upset with you and twisting your intent with their words and accusations to divert both of you from their bad thoughts and actions. I call them insane, psychotic, and emotional bullies. That’s my tipping point. Being “nice” and using the rules of conduct interferes with protecting myself. Heck, they weren’t nice by lying to me about me. Who died and left them as the all-knowing god of me?
Their underlying message becomes: How DARE you call me on something you weren’t supposed to see or know about me! Watch their “authority” come out with guilt towards you, twisted ideas, anger, control techniques so you will back off and agree to conform with them for “the sake of peace”…of which THEY disrupted from the onset. It’s everywhere.
Clarity Alert: There are distinct differences between being OFFENDED and being HURT. The one accusing you is OFFENDED when you call them on it. You were HURT when they accused you of a complete lie.
Trust me, unless that person deals with their own inner self honestly, anything you say to them will come back looking like a mucky mess – a fight ensues if you allow it. Somehow, you end up being the bad guy for not feeling good about how you were treated. No Respect = No Love.
In a nutshell, “Oh what tangled webs we weave when we practice to deceive”.
I leave you with these quotes about integrity.